- The impact of common things people say to people in hospice
- Examples of alternative phrases that are more supportive
- Links to additional hospice-related content
If you know someone who is dealing with a terminal illness it can be hard to know what to say. Often, people say nothing at all.
Ultimately, saying something or making a loving gesture can mean everything to someone during their final moments.
Use these tips to help yourself or someone you love cope with death.
Don’t say “everything happens for a reason.”
This could make a person feel like their illness is their own fault.
Instead, say:
<p>I don’t know why this is happening to you, but I’m here to support you through it all.”
Letting your loved one know you are not going anywhere during a difficult time can be very comforting. Even if you can’t provide them with reasoning behind their terminal illness, they’ll know they are not dealing with it by themselves. Don’t try to make grand or spiritual statements. Keep it simple. Emotions can run high during this time and it’s important to remember you’re there to support your loved one, not make sense of their situation.
Don’t say “have you made any arrangements?”
It’s important to have tough conversations with your loved ones before end-of-life care is needed. But if you haven’t had those conversations, bringing it up in the right way is important for having a meaningful and productive discussion.
Instead, say:
I love you and I want you to know that if we find ourselves in a position that I need to make decisions on your behalf, I want to make the decisions that you would want me to make. Help me understand what’s important to you.”
If the person is not willing to discuss advance care planning the first time you bring it up, don’t be afraid to try again at another time.
Don’t say “I don’t want to discuss your illness.”
Being a good listener can be essential to helping your loved one cope with their illness. They may want to openly discuss their illness. If so, take their lead. Allow them to talk and don’t judge. Giving the gift of presence can be the greatest gift you can provide a loved one.
Instead, say:
I’m here for you to listen. Let me know anytime you want to discuss your illness.”
Having a presence with a loved one or friend who is terminally ill does make a difference even if you don’t feel like it is. Being there for someone in their final moments will help them cope and can provide valuable life lessons to you in the future.
More Information
Understanding Home Care and Hospice
A New Approach to Home and Hospice Care
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This article was reviewed by Lisa T. Sprinkel, M.S.N., R.N., senior director for Carilion Clinic Hospice and Home Care.
