There are common misconceptions about sexual assault, including the myth that most are instigated by a stranger.
“Almost all of the reported offenders are known to the victim,” Harper continued. “It’s rarely stranger assault, even though society believes that.”
With all of these misconceptions floating around, I sat down with Harper to hash out the realities of sexual assault and learn more about what to say if someone you know is a victim.
Living: What main stigmas do you see surrounding sexual assault?
Harper: Society has the tendency to believe that you can only have been sexually assaulted if you have major physical injuries. Offenders are going to use only the amount of force necessary to
complete the crime. In general, most sexual assaults do not involve a weapon. Also, most victims of sexual assault do not report the event immediately, and often they are very much condemned for that. Part of the reason for the delay is from the trauma of what’s just happened.
Victims are in survival mode and thinking about the primal kind of things you need to survive, and not beyond that. And sadly, because the public is so misinformed about this, they make incorrect assumptions about the victim.
Living: What about the tendency to place blame on the victim? Can you speak more to that?
Harper: Most people have such fear and stress and intimidation instilled in them that they don’t fight. We know that when people are in life-threatening situations, the body's response is to fight or flee. But people will also freeze up.
People say, ‘well if they were that scared, why didn’t they fight?’ with huge judgment. There truly is no other crime when a victim would be asked this question.
For example, no one asks why someone didn’t lock the door or install sensor-activated floodlights. Nobody asks why someone drank wine that night because otherwise they may have heard a thief trying to break into their house. For some reason, people continue to point the finger in sexual assault crimes.
Living: What would you say to someone trying to help a friend or loved one cope with sexual assault?
Harper: Just truly being there for people. Friends or family need to be there for that person, and of course in a non-judgmental way. When the person who has been assaulted wants to talk, let them talk. When they don’t want to talk, don’t talk to them about it.
Also, don’t repeatedly question them because every time that happens, they’re reliving that event over and over again. Just really being there is the most important thing you can do.
