- Carilion's Center for Grief and Healing offers realistic advice for patients and their loved ones.
- Managing expectations and adapting traditions can help.
- Remember to prioritize your needs, and rest when you need to; the stockings will be there tomorrow.
For many people, the holidays represent:
- Time with family, making memories and sharing meals
- Faith- and/or family-based traditions
- Respite from the daily grind
- The sensory excitement and nostalgia of lights, pine needles, cinnamon and holiday music
When you or someone you love is coping with cancer, those holiday experiences can be more challenging, or even impossible.
If that describes you or your family this year, Frannie Gaeta, L.C.S.W., with Carilion's Center for Grief and Healing, has some advice. Read on to see Frannie's suggestions on ways to make the most of the holidays while being mindful of those you care about.
Plan Ahead
- Plan ahead for meals and time shared together.
- Drive together or separately, depending on the patient's needs.
- Put a time limit on gatherings.
- Opt out if you are not up to an event. As Carilion Clinic psychiatrist Virginia O'Brien, M.D., says, "Remember that you can always say, 'thanks for thinking of me. Sorry I can’t do it.'"
Manage Risk & Expectations
- Consider asking guests to take COVID-19 tests or wear masks.
- Scale back your expectations. If you usually bake three pies, consider baking—or even buying—just one.
- Make a dish that you love or are able to eat, and share the recipe.
Make the Hard Choices
- Remember that you are in control of what you want, or don't want, to do.
- Stay away from others who want to determine it for you.
Find Alternatives
When illness or grief put your cherished traditions out of reach, the best way to honor them and make new memories is to make time for, and truly appreciate, the little things. That's not always easy so these tips from Carilion's Center for Grief and Healing can help.
- Choose who you give your time to. Surround yourself with people who allow you to cry or talk about your sadness.
- Celebrate the moments that bring joy, such as watching a grandchild or listening to everyone’s laughter.
- Share memories of past holidays, silly moments and special memories.
- Consider adding a ritual that acknowledges how precious our time together really is.
- Watch a holiday movie, listen to music and move to the extent that you are able to. Motion releases emotions.
Redefine Self-Care
Most importantly, put yourself first and seek support if you feel overwhelmed and/or depressed. This can be a trusted friend, family member, or a member of your health care team.
In particular, says Dr. O'Brien, "Think about energy conservation. If you have fatigue due to cancer treatment, focus on the here and now rather than the future and what you may miss, and remember to prioritize what is most important. That's vital."
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Carilion’s Center for Grief and Healing offers supportive and therapeutic services to individuals, families and communities affected by grief and loss. Support groups include:
- Cancer caregiver support
- Cancer support
- Prostate cancer support
Contact your primary care physician to get connected.
