If this is your first holiday season without a loved one, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed or even dread the season. Grieving during the holidays is tough, but there are ways to make it a little easier on yourself.
Accept That It’s Going To Be Hard
First, it’s okay to admit that this holiday season will be painful. The holidays are emotional for many of us, and losing someone important adds a layer of grief that can feel heavy.
“Emotionally, it will be difficult,” says Robert Trestman, MD, PhD, chair of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at Carilion Clinic. “There will be feelings of distress, and we have to acknowledge that. When we wake up, we’d normally be thinking of the pleasant things we would do with the person we love. Then we get the crashing realization that that’s not going to happen.”
It’s important to let yourself feel those emotions. Grief is normal, and trying to push it away will only make it harder.
Make a Plan
Reach out to friends, family or people in your community before the holidays and plan ways to stay connected. This can include activities like:
- Spending time with friends or family
- Volunteering to help others, like preparing meals for people experiencing homelessness
- Doing something to honor the person you lost, like continuing a tradition they loved or donating to a cause they cared about
“When you honor your loved one in a meaningful way, it creates a sense of connection to their memory and can make the holidays feel a little more special,” says Dr. Trestman.
Give It Time
The first year is usually the hardest, and grief doesn’t disappear overnight. Over time, though, the pain should lessen. “It’s normal to feel profound grief for a couple of weeks, but it’s important to know that we start to recover over the weeks and months,” notes Dr. Trestman. “If your pain is prolonged, you may want to consider therapy or medication—or both.”
Watch for signs that you might need extra help, like:
- Feeling hopeless
- Having no energy
- Not being able to concentrate or participate in normal activities
- Not being able to sleep
- Losing more than 10% of your body weight
- Having thoughts of suicide
There’s no shame in asking for help—it can be a vital step toward healing.
How To Help Someone Else Who’s Grieving
If you know someone who’s dealing with a loss, your support can mean the world. Here are a few simple ways to help:
- Share happy memories about the person they’ve lost—it can be comforting to talk about them
- Offer practical help, like making dinner or running errands
- Invite them to join you for activities or just hang out and keep them company
Even small gestures can remind someone they’re not alone.
Plan for Life After the Holidays
The weeks after the holidays can feel especially lonely as everyone goes back to their routines. That’s why it’s important to make plans for what comes next—whether it’s joining a group, volunteering or spending time with loved ones.
The pain of losing someone doesn’t go away completely. But over time, it becomes easier to live with. The love and memories you have can bring comfort and joy, even in the middle of grief.
If you need extra support, Carilion Clinic’s Center for Grief and Healing offers resources year-round.
